Have you been hit by the rosé curve?


Last week over chicken stir-fry after a gruelling gym session my friend confessed she needed to shift 4kg. At first I laughed out loud! She is fit, lean, toned and beautiful. What on earth was she taking about? She had either weighed herself with her oversized handbag or lost the ability to read numbers and had made a ghastly mistake.

Upon my disbelief she pulled out her phone, well it was already in her hand and showed me what I suppose I had suspected could be the case, the curse of rosé curve.

The rosé curve started to trend slightly but steadily the moment the sun put his hat on in April thus sending the entire UK into summer euphoria. It was like Christmas every day in London. We couldn’t stop mentioning the weather at every opportunity. ‘ Gosh aren’t we lucky,’ ‘ Isn’t it amazing’, ‘It’s all set to last, apparently’, ‘We’re in for another splendid weekend’. We were in our element, talking about our most valued past time, the British weather. We were suddenly all poets, gaily skipping around town smiling at each other. Can you imagine people talked to each other on buses, on tubes; I saw acts of kindness every day. Everything seemed so possible last summer. It was the summer of hope, the summer of joy but also the summer of the rosé curve!

It was only a matter of time. True Brits!

Little did we know what a huge side effect this blistering jolly weather could have? Weight increase would creep up on you like a sniper in the wings, slowly but firmly plastering on an evenly distributed layer of fat that was so sly and subtle that even to the keen eye was hard to detect. In fact people have only just made the connection as the elastic summer wardrobe has been packed away in the attic and replaced by the tailored winter wardrobe that refuses to be sympathetic to the extra pounds. Pinching in at every bend and curve, highlighting the back fat like a selfie.  Good Look? Not so sure!

Somehow amongst all this frolicking in the fields with gay abandon having seriously wild fun, 4 British kilos of fat  laid down a protective layer to remind you that you  are not invincible or metabolically special and that if you drink  three large glasses  of rose every other day  when  the sun comes out, there will be some consequences to pay! Sounds familiar?

This is not the only story I have heard like this and I have more victims of the rose curves to prove it.

So if you have indeed stepped on the scales and been perplexed as to why your weight has escalated over the summer of hope you know now and it’s time to pull in the reigns and take control……get back on the wagon! Not the one full of red wine by the fire! Christmas is at least 6 weeks away!

Wine and women I’ve always thought, was a deadly mix, especially rose and women. There is something in the mixing of the grapes that once passed the female lips and often hitting an empty stomach (for more fun and giggles), creates a crazed glaze and limitless ability to consume more than is biologically and medically recommended.

Wine is the most calorific alcohol drink assuming your tipple isn’t Baileys Cream that is!

Reversing the curve!

So what to do now…..

  1. Remove from sight all bottles left over from the summer; those half bottles of pink gin and their tonic partners if you want to stand any chance of beating this curve. Abstain from alcohol for at least 6 weeks and introduce your body to any kind of exercise be it, the gym, samba, the park run, anything that gets you up, gets you out and gets you moving. Sweating is your new best friend and best friend to your liver as well.

  2. Discover the green vegetable juice. If you have a cold press juicer, here is your recipe for ejecting what your body does not want and refueling and repairing the summer damage with some liver nourishing nutrition.

  3. Boycott eating out and social events in favour of hanging out with yourself. Don’t worry; your pals will be there where you left them in 6 weeks’ time except they will be huddled round a flickering fire drinking fine claret and reminiscing about the summer. ‘Gosh, the weather was unprecedented this summer. Do you remember? …...conversations will start…. but watch the Christmas Claret this season!